


All Kisses Are Not Created Equal

by Liliako



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: Awkward Kissing, Bad Fake Movie Titles - Unicorn Princess (in Real 3D!), Boys Kissing, Competative Kissing, First Kiss, James is Kissing King, Kissing, M/M, Multi, So much kissing, except not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-26 00:12:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4982230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liliako/pseuds/Liliako
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Uh, is all kissing like that?" Carlos asks. The boys help him find out for himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All Kisses Are Not Created Equal

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by shisou_eimin who encourages this sort of crazy and helps me plot it out. Inspired by kink meme prompt: "OT4 make-out scene during "Kiss and Tell". Then OT4 sex back home... or even in the BTR mobile before they can make it home." http://community.livejournal.com/btr_kink/3445.html?thread=673653#t673653

When _Unicorn Princess (in Real 3D!)_ is over they all sit in the theater, hunched down in their seats trying not to be seen as all the families and pre-teen girls exit. Carlos is clutching Logan’s arm and still has tears in his eyes.  
  
“I’m just so happy for Princess Yuni!” He blubbers a bit, “The power of true love changed her into a real girl and she gets to be with Prince Wembley! It’s so nice!” Logan pats Carlos’s hand, but is discreetly checking to see if there’s anyone left in the theater to witness this display of manliness.  
  
“Katie left without us!” Kendall has his phone out and is stabbing away at the little buttons with his thumbs.  
  
“What?!” James roars, jumping up and spilling the little amount of popcorn he had left. “Kendall, she was with Kyle! He could be- and she might- Logan!”  
  
“What?” Logan quirks an eyebrow at the enraged boy who paces the end of the aisle.  
  
“How much trouble would I get in for punching a little kid in the face?” James shouts, resolutely crossing his arms as he plans his attack.  
  
“Would you calm down?” Kendall swats a hand out blindly and hits at James’s thigh. “Kyle’s a good kid, he’s still trying to figure out if girls have cooties.”  
  
“But! You didn’t see him when he came over and-!” James grumps as Kendall looks up at him skeptically.  
  
“You seriously thought I didn’t interrogate the kid when Katie first made googly eyes at him?” Kendall snorts, “C’mon, every guy at the Palmwoods between the ages of nine and thirteen have all been interrogated, background checked and threatened once a month to be nice to my baby sister. What letter is this week’s friendly reminder?”  
  
“Q,” Logan and Carlos chorus, sounding bored.  
  
“A light week, then. Just that Quinn kid who I’m pretty sure is more into you, James, than Katie.” James is gaping at them, but Carlos heaves a sigh and leans his head on Logan’s shoulder.  
  
“Now what?” He asks and Kendall frowns at his phone.  
  
“Mom says that she just got home from bringing Katie back and she doesn’t want to drive all the way back here yet. She said to see another movie and let her know when it’s supposed to be done.” Logan has his phone out as well, poking and swiping at it.  
  
“The only other movie that’s playing this late is _Kiss And Tell_. It starts in fifteen minutes.” Logan shrugs at his friends apologetically, like it’s his fault for the theater schedule. The boys look at each other forlornly.  
  
“We could just play the arcade for a while,” Carlos offers and James scoffs in reply.  
  
“If I want to play a video game I don’t want to feed it quarters all the time, plus I’m almost out of money we wouldn’t last that long.” Logan and Kendall hum in agreement and they all stare at the final credit from _Unicorn Princess (in Real 3D!)_ before the screen turns black. There’s a moment of silence before Carlos coughs a little.  
  
“It’s not like _Kiss and Tell_ is the worst movie ever, right?” He tries to keep them positive, as always.  
  
“We did already see the first ten minutes,” Logan points out hesitantly.  
  
“Watching someone else make out might not be so bad,” James concedes, rustling up his nearly empty popcorn bag.  
  
“So. _Kiss and Tell_ it is then?” Kendall asks and they nod unsure but in unison. He stabs out another text message on his phone. “This is going on the emergency credit card, because I sure as hell won’t pay for that again.”  
  
~  
  
When _Kiss And Tell_ finally ends they all sit in the theater, hunched down in their seats trying not to be seen as the four couples who have made out through the whole movie leave. Carlos is clutching Logan’s arm again, distraught.  
  
“I’m pretty sure the people down in front to the right were having _sex!_ ” He shakes Logan’s arm for emphasis, but Logan’s face is frozen looking forward with an uncomfortable expression.  
  
“You don’t say?” He squeaks out, “You really think that’s what all the moaning and her yelling was about?” Carlos nods and Logan finally glares at him with a ‘duh!’ Carlos punches him in the arm.  
  
“Shut up, _Logan,_ ” Carlos snipes and Logan hits him on the arm. They begin to exchange hand slaps and lame insults like normal.  
  
“Make them stop,” James grits out from where he and Kendall sit on Carlos’s other side. He and Kendall haven’t moved, still staring at the screen and not looking at anything else.  
  
“What am I, their mother?” Kendall digs his phone out of his pocket, thinking of his own mother. “Oh, no way! She took Katie and Kyle for ice cream so we have to walk all the way there!”  
  
“What’s so bad about ice cream?” Carlos asks, distracted momentarily. Logan takes the chance to get one last punch in before jumping up and over his seat to cower in the next row up. Carlos glares back and Logan sticks out his tongue at him.  
  
“Nothing if it makes you two stop,” James grumbles. Logan scoots over and flicks him in the ear.  
  
“What’s got your panties in a twist?” He asks and James swats back at him with a growl.  
  
“Fuck off, man,” James hunches down further in his seat and Kendall sighs.  
  
“The guy on our side of the theater, that couple that was right over there two rows down,” he waves his hand to the area, “his girl gave him a handie _and_ a blow job. James is jealous,” Kendall snorts out a laugh and Carlos throws a handful of popcorn at James with an ‘oooooh!’  
  
“Fuck you too, Kendall!” James shouts, hand darting out and punching at Kendall’s torso before quickly returning to its position crossed over his chest. Kendall coughs and doubles over, groaning about his spleen. Logan ruffles James’s hair as he leans over the back of Kendall’s seat.  
  
“N’awwwwa, Jah-mez doesn’t get any _loooooove,_ ” he taunts gleefully.  
  
“At least my girlfriend isn’t going on dates with guys named Steve,” James snaps and Logan pulls his hand away.  
  
“Dude,” Carlos hisses at James as Logan stands up behind them. James finally breaks his sulky mood and looks back at Logan, who’s already shuffling away past Carlos to exit the row.  
  
“Logan,” James sighs. “C’mon, I’m sorry,” he calls after him but Logan’s already tromping down the stairs. Carlos shakes his head and follows Logan. James gets up and kicks at Kendall’s foot. “Move or your head is going right into my crotch.”  
  
Kendall darts up and delivers a swift light jab to James’s stomach, making his stumble back a few steps. “Sorry, but you essentially sucker punched Logan. Just looking out for my bro, you know how it is. I’d do the same to him,” Kendall shrugs and slaps James on the back while he’s curled in on himself. James frowns at him before they both amble away to catch up with the guys.  
  
~  
  
“Whatever man, I said its fine,” Logan mutters after James is done his litany of apologies. James loops an arm over his shoulders as they walk along, street lights fading in and out as they go.  
  
“We all had our nights ruined, but I was a total asshat to say that to you because you really got burned.” James recognizes that Logan’s probably more hurt than he’s letting on, but knows that they’re probably not going to talk about this. They’re men, after all. Men who happen to watch movies about unicorn princesses and rom-com-dramas that are for couples, but god damn it they’re still men.  
  
“I hate Steve,” Carlos pipes up. “I had a cactus I named Steve once. Too prickly for his own good,” he glares out into the night, remembering none-too-fondly. “But at least you and Camille have kissed! And Kendall and Jo, and James and like every girl ever! I never get the girl and I’ve never been kissed!” Carlos whines.  
  
“Hey, I tried to set you up with Candy!” Kendall points out and Carlos shoves him with one hand so he stumbles out off the curb into the empty road.  
  
“Yeah, and that went really well for me, didn’t it?” Carlos grumps and focuses on not stepping on the cracks in the sidewalk again, hopping when he needs too.  
  
“It didn’t make my night either!” Kendall sneers back as he jumps back up and falls into step behind Logan and James beside Carlos.  
  
“But you’ll make up with Jo and then you’ll have kissing time and Logan and Camille breaking up never stops them from kissing so they’ll have kissy-time soon too, and James can kiss any girl whenever he wants to and they don’t argue!” No one can really tell him he’s wrong, because it really is all true. James is feeling scorned though, since he got left behind at the movies and he wants everyone to know he’s in pain too.  
  
“Hey now, no one got their kiss on tonight, bud, we’re all in the same boat right now.”  
  
“But seriously, me? _Me?_ ” Carlos keeps complaining, “No girls like me! I can’t do anything right, I’m going to be stuck alone, for- _eeeeeever!_ ” He’s being melodramatic, and he gets like that sometimes, but James doesn’t have much patience tonight.  
  
“Chill out, you’ll find a girl. And kissing’s not that exciting anyway,” James says curtly back over his shoulder, hoping to cut Carlos off before he gets into it any further.  
  
“Not exciting?! Then why does everyone do it all the time?!” Carlos is pulling at the back of James’s shirt. “You can’t kill my expectations of kissing before I even know what it’s like! If I ever do, which I won’t because girls don’t like me!” James’s frustration is itching at him now and Logan and Kendall aren’t doing anything to help Carlos stop freaking out, which is annoying in and of itself. “You guys have all been kissing since you were, like, ten and here I am, sixteen and I haven’t had a girls lips anywhere near my face! If the Jennifer’s knew they’d never let it go, I’d be the laughing stock of the Palmwoods! I’m going to go my whole life never being kissed and then I’m going to die and on my tombstone it’s going to read ‘Carlos Garcia- He was a loser who never got kissed’ And-”  
  
“Oh my _god,_ that’s enough!” James snaps, whirling around and startling the boys so everyone stops. He grabs Carlos by the shoulders and shakes him a little. “Will you shut up about kissing?! It’s not the end of the world! It’s just- it’s like this!” James yanks Carlos forward and kisses him soundly. Carlos is blinking through the whole thing and Logan and Kendall simultaneously thwack each other in the chest with the backs of their hands, both gaping at the scene. Carlos waves his arms a little, helplessly, and James lets him go. “ _Happy now?_ ”  
  
“Uh, is all kissing like that?” Carlos asks, touching his lips like he’s making sure they’re still there, not in any sort of schmoopy girly wonderment. James ponders the question a moment.  
  
“Well, no, I guess not, because everyone isn’t as awesome as me at it. Kendall, kiss Carlos so he knows what bad kissing is like,” James waves a hand dismissively at Kendall, who suddenly looks incredibly disgruntled while Logan is possibly about to die of laughter next to him.  
  
“Excuse me?! I resent that! You are a horrible person, James, and I for one-nmph!“ Kendall doesn’t get to say much more after that because Carlos has jumped at him, grabbing him by the front of the shirt and pressing their lips together. James watches smugly, crossing his arms over his chest, and Logan has to lean a hand on the brick wall of the building they’re next to he’s laughing so hard. Carlos lets Kendall go and takes a step back, looking at him consideringly while Kendall gapes wide mouthed back at him.  
  
“Yup, that was different than with James,” Carlos decides and Kendall’s shoulders hike up to his ears he’s so angry.  
  
“Shut up! I hate you all! Go make out with Logan!” Kendall points accusingly and Logan is trying to catch his breath leaning on the wall. “He doesn’t know how to kiss, Camille just accosts him all the time!”  
  
“What?” Logan wheezes out though his fading laughter but Carlos is already stepping towards him intently. “Dude, no-“ Logan barely gets his hands up to ward off Carlos before he’s pushed back into the brick wall and Carlos is crushing their lips together. Logan makes a lot of hand gestures before Carlos pulls back.  
  
“That was different than the other two times,” Carlos concludes. Each time was different. That doesn’t really lead him to any sort of conclusion about kissing at all. “Kissing is weird. Who thought that pushing your face on someone else’s would be fun?”  
  
“This isn’t fair! We weren’t prepared! James, you got to be prepared, this isn’t fair at all!” Logan protests and Kendall chimes in a lame ‘yeah’. James scoffs at them.  
  
“What kind of preparation do you need? It’s making out, not the SATs,” James says while rolling his eyes. Kendall shoves him because James is being a Grade A Douchebag now.  
  
“You said I wasn’t good at kissing! What do you know?!” Kendall crosses his arms angrily, challenging.  
  
“Practice makes perfect,” Logan adds helpfully. “As someone familiar with surprise kisses, I can tell you that it’s much better when all parties involved have a little warning.” James sighs dramatically.  
  
“Fine, prepare yourselves. It won’t make any different, you still both aren’t as good as-” But when he looks back over, Kendall is already locking lips with Carlos again. It looks gentle enough, with Kendall obviously in control in the classic fashion with his hands cupping Carlos’s face and thumbs resting on his cheekbones. Carlos’s hands drift up and one catches in the bottom of Kendall’s shirt while the other curls around his forearm.  
  
One of them sighs and both of them seem to relax, Kendall’s left hand slipping down to rest on Carlos’s neck. James has to admit that it looks like a nice kiss, which means he needs to stop it as soon as possible to try and keep his title as reigning Kissing Expert. “Okay. Okay, someone needs to come up for air at some point. Guys. Guys!”  
  
Kendall pulls back first, but doesn’t go far, landing another kiss high on Carlos’s cheekbone with a smile. He pats Carlos on the cheek before literally tagging out by giving Logan a high five.  
  
Logan doesn’t take Kendall’s spot, but comes up along Carlos’s side. He slips two fingers through Carlos’s far belt loop and tugs him so they’re chest to chest. Logan slides a hand up for the other classic move of cupping the back of Carlos’s head. He’s got a little shy smile on but Carlos looks bright and eager, leaning forward and landing a hand on Logan’s hip and the other on his collar bone.  
  
James thinks it’s kind of strange to watch his two best friends kiss. It’s stranger that it once again looks like a good kiss, not quite gentle like Kendall was, but still soft in a very Logan-appropriate way. Carlos pushes at Logan a little, hands fisting in Logan’s shirt as he tries to switch the control over and it’s not really surprising when Logan lets him. James clears his throat loudly. Logan has to break away when he huffs a little laugh. “Someone feels left out,” Logan grins over at James who just frowns.  
  
“Whose kiss was the best?” James asks as Logan and Carlos let go of each other and Logan brushes the wrinkles from his shirt. Carlos takes a moment to look at each of them with their own smug expressions.  
  
“I think they were all awesome in different ways,” he replies feelings incredibly pleased to not hurt anyone’s feelings.  
  
“Hah! Suck on that, James!” Kendall hoots, pointing a victorious finger at the increasingly furious pretty boy while Logan blows a raspberry at him as well.  
  
“He didn’t say you were the best!” James scowls defensively. Logan pokes him in the shoulder happily.  
  
“And he didn’t say that you were the best either, so now you can’t say you are!” Logan laughs and Kendall joins in.  
  
“I’ll show _you_ who’s the best kisser ever!” James shouts before grabbing them both by the shirt. He kisses Kendall hard, and it’s one of those terrible times when it’s the bad kind of ‘hard’ that makes you feel your teeth pressing against your lips to the point of pain. And not good pain. James blames it on Kendall being a bad kisser and pushes Kendall away, grabbing Logan with both hands on the sides of his face.  
  
Much to James’s dismay, he ends up squishing Logan’s cheeks too much and pushing out his lips. The result it the exact opposite of the terrible Kendall kiss. It’s got far too much lip action and James’s lips awkwardly slide around on Logan’s and it reminds him of the disgusting wet kisses that old ladies stick you with. Doesn’t matter, it’s Logan’s fault for not responding right. He lets him go and Logan stumbles back, but James quickly catches him and Kendall by the shirt fronts again, hauling them back in close.  
  
“I am the make out _king!_ ” James roars in their faces before he stomps over to a terrified Carlos who tries in vain to escape. Unfortunately, Carlos wiggles around so much that James doesn’t have much of a choice except to dip him soundly like they’re an extravagant tango couple.  
  
And that’s when Carlos knees him in the junk.  
  
James immediately curls in on himself and leans on the brick wall. Kendall and Logan burst into laughter, bent over and holding their own sides.  
  
“I’m not a girl!” Carlos shouts in a high pitched but not girly voice and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. James groans miserably and coughs twice.  
  
“I know that! There’s nothing to hold onto up here!” James swipes a hand feebly across Carlos’s chest. Annoyed, Carlos thumps his fist into James’s shoulder for good measure before he turns to Logan and Kendall.  
  
“Now that we’ve all been savaged by James, you two should kiss and then we can vote.”  
  
“Vote? This isn’t a demacre- derma- demoliti- Logan what’s that word?” James pipes up and attempts to stand up straight again, wincing.  
  
“Democracy?”  
  
“Right, it’s not one those! It’s the other thing!”  
  
“Monarchy?”  
  
“Yes! That! I am the King of Making Out and Kissing and Stuff and that’s the way it stays!” James draws back up to his full kingly height. No one looks impressed. James tries to angle his face more three quarter because that’s one of those regal things but when he glances back to see if it’s working they’re not paying attention anymore.  
  
Kendall and Logan are wrapped up in each other and James wonders if he’s delirious from watching too many other people that aren’t him make out tonight, but he’s pretty sure he spots some tongue action. And biting. It’s unexpected, but also makes him grumpy and jealous because he is neither on the giving or receiving end of said biting and tongue-devouring-stuff. He slyly tries to reach out and snag Carlos but he gets his hand slapped away as Carlos watches the pair. He’s making a face and squinting a little, which makes James think that if Carlos were Logan, he’d be taking notes right now.  
  
None of this pleases James in the least.  
  
“Quit playing tonsil hockey, I want ice cream and I bet that place will close soon,” He grouches and starts walking away. There are wet smacking noises from behind him and then Kendall moans, Logan pants loudly and Carlos makes a little strangled sound.  
  
James nearly trips over his own feet.  
  
“Mmm, god that was great!” Kendall says a little too loudly. “You know, if I had to vote, I’d say that Logan and Carlos are tied-”  
  
“I hate you so much Knight,” James grits out and he can hear Carlos snickering.  
  
“You know, I’d have to agree, Kendall, you and Carlos are tied for me too,” Logan says in the same overly loud voice. It makes James bristle because he’s still the best and they’re all stupid.  
  
“I hate you all. I’m going to go eat all the ice cream and there won’t be any left for you guys!” James shouts back over his shoulder and starts to stomp away. Their laughter only makes him stomp harder because they clearly don’t understand he’s not lying.

They lope along to catch up, Carlos hanging off one arm while Logan takes the other and Kendall just smirks triumphantly with an arm over Logan’s shoulders.  
  
“Don’t be mad!” Carlos tugs on his sleeve and grins up at him. “You kissed me first! That means it’s totally the best!”  
  
“No it wasn’t,” James pouts. He just wants to be the best, there’s nothing wrong with that. Girls and being pretty and kissing and stuff are all his thing and have been forever. Now they’ve all gone and messed it up. What is James worth if he can’t kiss the best?  
  
“Yeah it was,” Carlos elbows him and smiles in that little way that means he’s really happy even more than when he’s got a huge grin on his face. “I’m really glad it was you! And you all have different stuff to teach me, this is going to be great!”  
  
“Wait, what?” There is something James’s has missed here, he’s sure of it.  
  
“We can do this again, right?” Carlos stops suddenly and it jerks them all to a halt. “I liked it. You guys looked like you liked it. We can keep doing this, right?” He looks incredibly worried while the other three exchange glances.  
  
“Sure,” Kendall finally answers and Carlos brightens instantly. “There’s nothing wrong with a little practice.” He gives a shrug and Logan and James nod in agreement.  
  
“Great!” Carlos pulls them forward again and the ice cream shop sign is visible a few blocks away. “Y’know there’s other things I haven’t done besides kissing…”


End file.
